I was on acid -- I was in love -- and that meant that I was definitely gay. Needless to say it was a lot to take in at that moment. Squinting at Delilah, I watched the sun sparkle off her dazzling, electrified brown hair and shatter into a thousand rainbow beams of light, dancing and intertwining into a great geometric dome that pulsed throughout the sky. Everything was bright, glittery, and warm. She turned and looked into my eyes.

I knew looking at her right then that I wasn’t just gay, I was gayer than Adam fucking Lambert. She was perfect. Her eyes were a piercing blue; so bright they looked photoshopped. But the blueness — that pure cerulean — wasn’t even the best thing about them. No, the best thing, I thought, I KNEW, was how at every second of every day they were laughing at the sheer irony of the situation at hand. They were judging and moving on. Some people dabble in sarcasm but she was soaking in it. Drenched. Dripping everywhere. A mess. Her eyes were wickedly delighted at all times.

“This is fucking DOPE!” She screamed across the ravine, echoing over the river rushing below. We were making our way through a trail at Great Falls National Park on a beautiful April Sunday. “I’m tripping BALLS!” she yelled. We started laughing. A conservative Bethesda couple in their 60s, spending the day on a hike, frowned at us and hurried away.

Delilah spoke her mind at every single moment, even when it was the dumbest thing she could possibly do. Even when it would get her kicked out of a party or arrested; she was a spark of fire in a world that constantly tries to snuff girls like her out. I know how fucking corny that sounds - I will remind you that I am gay. Gayer than the gayest gay who ever gayed on American Idol, a show created for and made sucessful by The Gays.

“Your hair…” I trailed off.

“What?” She said, suddenly concerned. I couldn’t handle the sadness that abrupted over her face.

            “No! It’s… rainbow colored. It’s beautiful.” I reached out and ran my fingers through the strands.

“Holy shit… you’re right.” She smiled at me. I smiled back. My heart pounded. A bird cawed. I felt a vibration run through my whole body, pulsing out from my clit. Goosebumps abounded. What would it feel like to kiss her? I had never considered this question until today, I knew I hadn’t… but as soon as I thought it I knew it was what I had wanted to do since the moment I met her. It was what we were meant to do.

We had become best friends quickly and out of an excited convenience. Our boyfriends were friends and we got to team up for every single event. Before Delilah came around, I was often the only girl stuck hanging out with John, my boyfriend of 6 months, and his hyper-masculine bro friends. John was funny and hot, and he cared about me, but he was reckless and toxic and his friends were even worse. While not intentionally malicious, the misogyny these athletic assholes had been trained in for all of their lives shone through as clear as their own insecurities about their manhood. When Delilah showed up arm in arm with Eric one day, ready to party as hard as I did and laugh at every single one of my jokes, I praised God for I had been SAVED. Yes, she was beautiful, everyone could see that. But I saw how strong she was, and how smart.

We had each other's backs in the dangerous worlds we entered into with the men we let enter us. Our boyfriends sold and did copious amounts of hard drugs. We went to raves and concerts every weekend, festivals every summer. We did coke when it was free, xanax when we felt like blocking out the entire world, molly when we wanted to survive the raves, and acid when we wanted to learn, to move on from some petty bullshit, to laugh, to bond, to realize the beauty in the world. Which is what brought us into the woods today. We started tripping at concerts with our boyfriends but quickly realized the hallucinogens were much more fun when it was just the two of us, in nature, on an adventure.

We had dropped an hour before and the trip was starting to rise, the hallucinations growing stronger, our energy becoming more connected. I felt the warmth of her body through the air and I leaned forward, without thinking, kissing her. My entire body buzzed, hummed, vibrated with hunger. I wanted to drink from her. To lick her soft body, to taste her everywhere. She leaned into me, kissing me back. I was amazed at how smooth she was, how gentle her face felt against mine in the absence of stubble. I pulled away.

“Are you sure we should…”

“Why not?” she asked, her eyes, those fucking eyes(!!!!!!) flashing at me.

Why not? Our boyfriends, for one… I thought about John, how he made me feel special while he pursued me but  how his affection had become less and less ever since we became “official”. How twice he had slapped my friend’s asses in front of me, embarrassing and humiliating all of us. I thought of Eric, how he treated Delilah like a sex object, how he only ever complimented her for her looks and didn’t see how much she was beneath that. It inflamed me.

“You’re right, why not?” For once, I thought of only myself, and her, and now.

A few feet to the right there was a huge boulder, half covered by the shade of a few low hanging tree branches. We climbed up and shimmied over to this perfect little haven. The rock was cold on my skin as I turned to face her. I couldn’t stop smiling. “You’re so beautiful.” The hunger rose in me once more  and I would be fucking damned if I ever held it back again. I leaned over top of her and pinned her to the rock below, running my lips over her stomach, lifting her shirt to kiss her skin. I licked her and she giggled. I looked up into her eyes. She was so cute and so soft. She was a precious angel and I wanted to serve her as the goddess she was. I growled and sprang forward, locking my lips and jaw around her neck, biting and sucking. I surprised both of us.

“Wow… That was... you’re so… hot,” she stuttered. “When did you get so hot?”

I felt it too, something had changed in me. A masculine energy I had hidden and suppressed around the guys I dated had finally looses a rock in the dam and burst to the surface of my being, ready to shine after years in captivity.
            “Oh, you mean like this?” I hiked my knee up between her legs and rubbed it up and down over her clit, taking control and making her eyes roll back in her head.

Ohhhhh!” she moaned into my ear.

“Is that hot?” I asked, teasing her.

“Yes! Please-”

But I was already on it. I kissed her on the mouth, my hand gently closing around her neck, caressing her skin softly. “I love you,” I whispered with all the conviction in my bones.

“I know,” she smiled. “I love you too.”

“I love you, and I’m going to make you cum, right here, in public, on this fucking rock, but you have to be a good girl for me and stay quiet so those boomers don’t come back and call the cops.” She nodded, smiling, mesmerized by the dominance I was showing her for the first time. She was always the loud one, the tough one. I was always the people pleaser, the life of the party, chill and laid back. But now she relinquished all her control to me and displayed a vulnerability and openness that made me soak through my underwear. She spread her legs in front of me and ran her fingers down under the fabric of her running shorts, letting out soft little moans as she moved her finger in gentle circles around her clit. I grabbed her hand, pulled it out of her pant, and put them in my mouth, sucking them. She tasted so good I lost my mind. I needed to taste more. I needed to know what it was like…

“I want you so badly,” I breathed.

“Lick me.”

I yanked her pants down and tossed them aside. Her pussy was so beautiful and the drugs amplified my reality to utter heaven. I saw endless rings of warm, golden energy stream out of the folds of her vagina, pink and cream and brown hues.

                                       holy vagina


I bent down and kissed her clit, one long, intense kiss filled with all my love for her in the world. She made me feel more alive than anyone or anything. I would die for her. I pulled back and took one long lick from her vagina up to her clit, sucking softly with my lips. I plunged my tongue down, deep into her depths. My hands travelled upwards, squeezing her boobs. I felt her pierced nipples under her shirt and lingered on them, stroking softly while my tongue worked back and forth on her clit. She shivered, goosebumps rising on her thighs. I reached back down and pushed my index finger into her vagina, then my middle finger as well.

“I need you to fuck me, I need you to fuck me so hard right now,” she whined.

“I can do that,” I smiled. I shoved my fingers in and out of her quickly, powerfully. Her whole body tightened and she started  to yell with pleasure.

“OH my GOD!” I sat up and covered her mouth with my free hand.

“What did I say?”

“That I have to be quiet…” she whispered.

“Good girl.”

I returned to fingerbanging her pussy as hard as I could. I could tell it took all her strength to stay quiet but she did. Such a good girl. I curved my fingers so that they hit her g spot over and over, making Delilah squirt all over my hand. I felt the warm pool in my palm and swooned… Making her feel pleasure felt so good. I wanted to do this over and over and over again. Licking her would become my religion. I came back up to lay beside her as she caught her breath, looking out at the fractals forming over me in the sky. Now that my body and brain relaxed, the visuals became stronger. I laughed again, unable to stop this time. I was so overwhelmed with joy and beauty and love that I felt tears bubble down my cheeks. Delilah pulled me close and nuzzled up to me, wiping my tears and kissing my cheek. She made me feel so loved. 

“It’s a lot,” she said.

“Yeah, it’s a lot.” Like so many times that day words simply weren’t there to describe the feelings and thoughts I was having, but I knew she had them too. I held her tightly, kissing her neck and breathing in all of her. Delilah was a divine goddess, otherworldly and ethereal. So was the way with women, a blessing on this Earth, and I was going to spend the rest of my life at their temple.