BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. According to sex educator and coach Lola Jean, "This is the overall umbrella under which most kinks fall. It can contain all elements or only one. BDSM holds no space for judgment." Sadism is finding pleasure in giving others pain, masochism is finding pleasure in feeling pain, dominance is exerting control over someone, submission is being controlled, bondage is being physically restrained, and discipline is receiving certain punishments and rewards for following or disobeying a set of rules.

     A BDSM party is a space where members of the kink community and those interested in joining can experiment freely and partake in their kinks out in the open. There are stations where you can be tied up and whipped. Mattresses you can peg your boyfriend on. Or lie up and cuddle with 5 other queer women in lingerie. If you like to be watched, this is the place. If you like to watch, this is also the place. As long as you aren’t going to be creepy and violate consent, this is the place.

     This BDSM event was the last real outing I had before quarantine struck. The night was freezing and I got off at Wall St. station. On the way to the sex party, I walked past Alexander Hamilton’s grave at Trinity Church, which I had visited the year before. I laughed. Hamilton, a fellow hoe, would be proud. One block over I entered the building with my friend Carrie, who had offered to escort me to the event. She was an experienced BDSM queen, but she assured me that the space was extremely welcoming for all newcomers. She was right. In a suite on the 16th floor, we paid $30 in cash each and stripped down to our lingerie. I wore this collared bodysuit and beat the shit out of my face. Fenty makeup, of course. Rihanna gave us a BDSM anthem before we even were anywhere near fucking ready for that. And that’s why she’s a fucking queen.

People wore anything from full lingerie sets, costumes, to normal everyday clothing. Wear what you’re comfortable in. But also take it from me - fucking slaying is a goddamn drug. It’s an art form and it is sacred. Going to a sex event is the perfect occasion for looking and feeling your hottest and being in a safe space to do so.

     The event was BYOB and there was a smoking room. All the necessities, check. There were lockers, bathrooms, and some of the most interesting and friendly people I’ve ever met in my life. Queers galore. While this event was more of a catch-all, there are tons of BDSM events for specific communities and themes. Some events exclude cis men to create a safer space for women, non-binary, and trans individuals. Some are just for gay men, just for lesbians, just for impact play, you name it! You can do research on Google and Facebook to find events in your area. Communities on Facebook like FetLife are also a great way to find like-minded people and events in your area. Whatever your needs and fantasies are, they matter and shopping around will help you find the best options to meet them.

After I got my first drink, a beautiful queer woman going by Pup offered to drip wax on me at her station. I took my shirt off and lay down on the leather bench in front of her. She massaged shea butter all over my back for protection and I moaned.

 “You can spank me too, if you want,” I said. “Do whatever you want to me. I’m yours.”

 “Good to know,” she smiled. “If you want me to stop or take a break, just raise your hand.”

 She slapped my ass and got to work. I was in heaven

     The drops sizzled onto my back. I yelped with pain and pleasure. We had a crowd of onlookers and I found immense pleasure in that too. I love an effortless performance. Method acting at its finest. Every time I felt the wax burn me, I quivered at the sexuality of my own vulnerability. Subbing, letting someone have complete control and domination over you, is fun as fucking shit. Especially if you’re someone like me who often dominates in every other aspect of my life, I like to completely flip that dynamic in bed. It is both freeing and healing. No one should have to look after themselves all of the time, in my opinion. They should let Pup decide what’s best for them for 30 minutes on a leather bench in Manhattan.

     After I had my turn at submission, I got to dominate an adorable queer woman in a leather bodysuit with 3 other queer women using a Hitachi vibrator, a flogger with metal spikes, and the combined beautiful effort of our hands. Literal heaven. I moved the vibrator up and down the outside of her bodysuit on top of her clit. She moaned as her friends filled me in on how hypersensitive she was.

     “She’ll literally squirt in 3 minutes if you keep holding the vibrator there. She can’t handle it when you gently stroke her skin like this. Look, she’s going crazy.” Her eyes were indeed rolled back in her head. Soon, her entire bodysuit was soaking wet.

     So I would say overall 10/10 experience will be returning. As soon as the government says it’s safe to leave my house lmao. You know where to find you.

     Xoxo,

     Your gay polyam meme daddy,

     Summer Breeze